Javier Etchevarren—​Todo lo abandono, trans. Jesse Lee Kercheval

//Javier Etchevarren—​Todo lo abandono, trans. Jesse Lee Kercheval

Javier Etchevarren—​Todo lo abandono, trans. Jesse Lee Kercheval

Javier Etchevarren

Todo lo abando​no

​Con nueve meses abandoné a mi madre.
Nunca volví a su vientre salvo por comodidad o desenfado.
A los pocos días también abandoné a mi padre.
Repelí su aliento alcohólico.
 
El resguardo de la fantasía y la soledad
me salvó la niñez.
Así abandoné el miedo a las personas y la oscuridad.
 
Cuando uno es íntegro todo es mezquino.
En mi adolescencia
todo fue abandono:
amigos que no quise volver a ver
y lugares que no quise volver a pisar.
 
Abandoné los estudios, descubrí los libros.
Me hundí en la noche, odié mi cuerpo, amé mis manos.
Perdí el tiempo, perdido en introspecciones, fabulaciones,
depresiones, animadversiones.
Quise morirme, quise matarme, no quise nada,
quise nada.
Abandoné las ganas, las fuerzas.
Me abandoné a la desidia.
 
Encontré un lugar, un trabajo, una identidad.
El lugar me defraudó.
El trabajo lo hice mal.
La identidad es una costumbre digna de abandonarse.
Todo lo abandono.
 
La vanidad vence a mis amigos:
los abandono.
El desarraigo vence a mi familia:
los abandono.
 
Incluso lo más bello.
Esa fractura de amor rompiéndome el ánimo, obligándome
a la alegría.
Pero todo lo abandono.

I Abandon All

​At nine months, I abandoned my mother,
I never returned to her safe womb for comfort or ease.
A few days later, I also abandoned my father,
repelled by his alcoholic breath.
 
The shelter of fantasy and of solitude
saved my childhood.
In this way, I abandoned my fear of people and the dark.
 
But when one is honest, the world is a miser.
In my adolescence
all was abandonment:
friends I did not want to see again
and places I did not want to walk again.
 
I abandoned my studies, discovered books.
I sank into the night, I hated my body, loved my hands.
Lost time, lost in introspections, fantasies,
depressions, aversions.
I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself, I did not want anything,
wanted nothing.
I abandoned desire, will.
I abandoned myself to apathy, dullness.
 
I found a place, a job, an identity.
A place that cheated me.
A job that treated me badly.
Identity is a custom worthy of abandoning.
I abandoned all of it.
 
My vanity defeats my friends:
I abandon them.
My rootlessness defeats my family:
I abandon them.
 
Even the most beautiful,
this fracture of love, breaking my spirit, forcing
me to joy—​
I abandon.

Javier Etchevarren was born in Montevideo, Uruguay in 1979. He is the author of the poetry books Desidia and Fábula de un hombre desconsolado. His poems will appear in América invertida: An Anthology of Younger Uruguayan Poets, which is forthcoming from the University of New Mexico Press. His poems have appeared in the Palabras errantes and are forthcoming in the U.S. in the Notre Dame Review, the Colorado Review and the Massachusetts Review.
 
Jesse Lee Kercheval is a poet, fiction writer and translator, specializing in Uruguayan poets. Her translations include Invisible Bridge/ El puente invisible: Selected Poems of Circe Maia (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2015.) She is also the editor of América invertida: an Anthology of Younger Uruguayan Poets, which is forthcoming from the University of New Mexico Press.



























































By |2018-12-05T15:26:19+00:00December 5th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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