Tamar Ashdot

dermal delta

         the early universe of our skin was remarkably smooth – tommy pico

some of us are born translucent
some of us transform into transparency
maroon mosaics lacing our kneecaps
arm streams greener & brighter than forest creeks

a phlebotomist tells me i have rolling veins
i think this to mean my bloodstreams are winding
bending around towering tree trunks but really it means
some of us have tissue to keep our inner parts hidden
while some of us show what we are inside

i still don’t touch the passageways on my wrists
mortality too tender in that tiny cluster there
paper cuts so slight the wound opens quietly
movie scenes seen too young, warm red baths

some of us need reminders, some don’t
my childhood friend who jumped to her death
with breathe in cursive on her left wrist
& mine: keep going in black script
with a small butterfly north of my right

for every new procedure, every new nerve pain
artists inject ink into dermal layers i can touch
things uninvisible: tiny leaves, flowers, ribbon bows,
doodle hearts, cherries on a stem, rocks & shells
collected at the lake, a vase of dried eucalyptus, brick
building with fire escape, 2&3 subways glowing red
permanent ink promising my own permanence

when knuckles & finger bones surrender arthritic
after months, hands stiffening to the marrow
i ink them too: sprouts, stars, a crescent moon,
sun rays, portals to places i can’t risk never seeing
one oval for each hand: nighttime mountain range
& a palm swaying in sea breeze

reminders of what survives beyond hospital floors
where tangled cords pull and hook into thin veins
pulse scarlet tubes, rivers purpling and bluing
the soft delta of skin – the memory of care

Tamar Ashdot (she/they) is a queer, disabled, Brooklyn-born writer, educator, and artist. Tamar holds an MFA in Poetry from the University of Michigan, is a recipient of fellowships from the Helen Zell Writers’ Program and Vermont Studio Center, and is an Academy of American Poets College Prize winner. Tamar’s poetry is published in Michigan Quarterly Review, Crosswinds Poetry Journal, Paterson Literary Review, and in District Lit, amongst others.