Kami Enzie
The Whale
I wish I were a whaleBig as a ship, nothing
Could catch me. Nothing
Would be allowed to
Touch me except everything
Pushing me forward.
Barnacles would ride my back
But I wouldn’t mind
The insignificant company
Of small strangers.
When night falls, in the sea
It is always night, I
Could dive leagues
Down into the black
Deep, in one run sending
Blowfish, anemones,
Box jellies, sea snakes,
Stingrays, tricky Irukandji,
Blue-ringed octopi,
Crown-of-thorns
Starfish, great whites,
Stone fish, Napoleonic
Bosses and in-laws,
Unregal endings,
Gone lovers, dead
Or otherwise, vanished
Cities, even the world
In its immensity,
Whirling down and off
To lightless lacunae
The oceans rocked
By such tremendous speed.
Nothing is ever as fast
As a great whale who wants to get
To the bottom of things.
At the bottom I’d fuck a giant squid
With that great big whale dick
And get suckered off by multiple
Octopi. I’d blow my load
In a noiseless column, while translucent
Jellies and other marine bestiary without
The skin to bear it would turn away and
Blush, flashing red, then blue, then red,
Then blue, then red, not knowing
What to do with themselves over such
Resplendent grandeur.
After cool thank yous, I’d go.
Swaying in the deep, writhing,
Jiggling my fat belly, on my way
Up I’d laugh a laugh
So pure it shakes
Blubber and ribcage,
And lets everyone know
I’m here, laughing.
*
Sitting by Lake of Three Fires,
Yesterday a whale came up
To greet me. It was kind
Of silly. Okay, I said,
Staring directly at the NO
SWIMMING ZONE sign.
You’re going to have to leave.
Find bigger lakes. Maybe I can
Help. It ignored me
For some time, splashing around,
Doing somersaults, a shiny, spinning
Christmas ornament, unspooling
Soft threads of light out into the small,
Quiet grayness of the day. Its body
Was the size of the Chrysler building.
Just then it started singing a song
So beautiful the water started breaking
And morning waves smashed marble
Crowns on the extruding riprap.
I cheered in place, jumping wildly,
As rocks stood still and listened.
Pink clouds were greatly blown over
And the sun rose. Alright alright
Alright. You rose the morning sun?
That’s an ancient trick. Yesterday’s news.
Not impressive. Let’s have the moon.
I don’t know if the thing ever heard me.
This morning lying with my face
To the single room window, I see
My neighbor’s lights come on
Yellow from across the lawn.
As I walked home from your
Place last night carrying outside
It rough emotional freight,
Trying to figure out who
Was lucky to have whom,
He was outside curled over
His porch railing, vomiting
Along receding colonial posts
By the house’s cement foundation,
Into permafrost and snowpack.
He looked uneasy and sideways
At me and asked how I was doing.
Okay, I said, just here trying to get
Everything inside out of me and be
Done with it. He nodded something
Sympathetic, a strand of vomit
Unspooling from his purple lips
Before splashing down to the pool
Of cold stomach juices. I didn’t know
What else I could do for him
So I walked home and watched
YouTube videos until 2 A.M.
Around when he also went to bed.
Now I see him awake inside
His bedroom with all his lights
On trying to figure out what hurts
Most, why he’s so drunk again,
Maybe who he is-is. In the clean,
Lighted room he’s searching
For reasons, as I hear my roommate’s
Coffee grinder rising and rising
And rising. Getting closer to the end
Of its projected lifespan as
a guaranteed, reliable thing.
I clap in the dark
And the man’s lights go out
Fifteen minutes later. I want
To lie down, so I do, and stare
At my caged air conditioner,
Then at the antique heating
Grates carved into my floor.
I turn to the wall, which is
To say, I turn most into
Myself. I clap my hands
Once more, twice,
Huddled against shadow,
In wait of an encore, any encore
To appear, for anyone
To hear. I’m here, behind
The curtains clapping.